~Saturn Explained~

 

 

Saturn Devours His Children in the Presence of the Missing Fate
or
(Systemic Evolution in the Corruption of the Magister Templi to Facilitate the Rise of the Magus)

I had a dream, and this work was inspired by a dream as many of my other works have been. And there is a difference between a piece and a work, and this painting is a work. This painting is whole in a series of masterpieces.

The dream I had laid all of my silly fears and unrealistic hopes to rest. I am always afraid that I have contracted diseases that will kill me and I have a hope of finding true love. In this dream a woman I feared to be a source of my contagion was dressed in white, a symbol of her purity to set me at ease. She wanted me, and I have always feared that I drove her away unfairly. It seemed in that dream that I did just that, she had pure motivations and I shat on her for playing silly games with her ex to fuck with him. She kept trying to follow me in the dream, to be a part of what I was doing and I kept avoiding her. I made my way to the woman of my dreams, the woman that I would kill and die for. I have never told this person in what kind of regard I hold her, in my mind she has the status of a Goddess. I told her in the dream as I held her hand and she told me that that wasn't fair and she pulled away and retreated to the attic. I went to have dinner with a family I didn't know. There was a loud and bossy woman on the phone with her agent. Her father was sitting across the table from me telling me how proud he was of his daughter because she had been through so much and she had overcome and was now a successful writer. His face was wrinkled and moist and for a while I became lost in the texture of his skin as he talked. And he morphed into a rose that was on my dinner plate among other roses, that I found I was eating like a salad. He was now a rose on my plate and he was still wrinkled and moist. He kept telling me about his pride in his daughter even as I poked him with my fork and brought him to my mouth. His words echoed in my head as I chewed on him and eventually faded into silence as I swallowed him. I swallowed his pride? Perhaps. By eating him while he spoke to me about his pride in his daughter I was saying that I had no respect for such a beats of a woman such as this. But in truth I do, and I see a lot of myself in that woman, although I would never consider her for a companion. So I am not satisfied with that simple of an explanation.

This dream was a show of reality outside of all of my petty fears and delusions, outside of my delirium.

According to occult scholars there is a "Radiant Abyss where men meet themselves." I know this to be true because I have been there. I call it Hell. And Hell is separation from God, and God is the true nature of the universe.

In the abyss one sees everything in himself that is not pure (not what it was intended to be) destroyed. Before he leaves he is faced with the mirror of the abyss for the final time, and he may leave if he is no longer abhorred with his nakedness. So long as he no longer feels the need to cloak himself in illusion he may leave and enter Eden. He exits the abyss as a child, that is to be protected in his mother's love until he can grow to be the God-Man (who is always something of a child). The mother is true love. And the mother is Eden.

When he has grown to sufficient spiritual strength he may leave his mother's protection and begin to rebuild the Temple, the temple that is of course himself, and he becomes Master of the Temple.

The Master's duty if to gain disciples that he tends like a garden, and to set them on the path to self realization. If he fails in this he is devoured by the piece of the abyss that is with him always. The part of it that gazed back into him.

I am the controller, and in many ways I have grown to become what I once hated. I am the destroyer of beauty and innocence. I destroy through subjugation. All things in my world must work to fulfill my purpose, and I expend no energy that does not ultimately aid me in the realization of my goals.

I was corrupted by leaving the Mother too soon. And I betrayed love for fear of its mutation. Like Marilyn Monroe who died before she could age and become ugly, and therefore she became iconic, I betrayed my love so that it would be with me always. But because of this my newborn heart was twisted with bitterness. And I grew with it. I grew again tainted by sin. Something of a monster. So if a wizard I will be, my robe will inevitably be black.

But then, do we not have to sin to leave the Eden? And is not leaving the Father and making one's own way only to return in triumph and overcome the Father and marrying his daughter the true way of the hero?

The roses have thorns but I am stronger and wiser than they, so it is a simple matter for me to pluck their heads from their defensive thorn covered bodies. I raised them up, and devour them for sustenance. This self nutrition is akin to the psychic vampire. In betraying trust and innocence I become stronger. This will facilitate my evolution to God-Man, Magus.

"Magus I" was a painting that I accomplished shortly after I left the abyss. It is prophetic in that I knew that my Godhood would be realized in an ugly and gross manner.

But this painting deals with the present and near future.

The eyes give us sight. I am missing an eye, so my sight is singular in perspective. All things seem to me to have the same depth as nothing moves me so I am a spectator or sentinel, and in my right eye is the symbol of my aspiration, akin to the hexagram, symbol of the unity of all. Binocular vision is only possible for me in that I place my own ideas on the outside. I do not see the depth that is, I see the depth that could be with the infusion of my mastery. I do not see the beauty of what is, but only the beauty of its proper use. And therefore I have mastered the art of alchemy.

A giant eye is hanging over my head. This eye takes the place of the egg hanging over the virgin's head. The egg was peculiar to the gravity of the world ready to break if the virgin became sexed. My eye is ready to break over my head if I lose singular sight of my purpose, if I become sexed, or distracted by the world and its consumer or illusionary comforts.

There are three Fates in the mythos. I am surrounded by two. The Missing Fate is the visual symbol of my singular perversion, she is the one that I betrayed.

If the roses are to be understood as my children I was to adorn the table with corpses. I chose an anonymous face in decay, and a girl that I loved once who gave me gravity and distraction, she completed me and I her, so she has only one eye as well. Together we could do nothing because there was no where else to go. In our relationship I betrayed her as well and assimilated her into my game, but only after she begged for it. Still I knew this was not her proper use, and still I was frozen, so I discarded her and she me. Her head on my table is a tribute to her memory, and a sadistic ritual to exorcise my hatred at the same time. Could the picture progress I would choose not to devour her. And as a side note her aspiration was to be a great writer.

The exit, or door, to the left of the composition is Death. Which is the only exit and entrance to the process.

The tipped chalice represents that my dreams and wishes are dissipated into the ethers in favor of God's wishes for me (remember that God is nothing more than the source, the unification that gives birth to all division, nature perfected).

There could be fear of being usurped by my children, but the children that this Saturn is eating are fully bloomed, and still they have no power to trump the King, so they are eaten to give him sustenance that he may continue his reign. The only rose to become a person capable of anything at all I chose not to eat. In reality I could not no matter how I tried. But still she is only a head, an idea, and she must grow a body, rebuild her Temple, to defend herself and aspire to her dreams. Then she will also have the Hexagram in her missing eye, and she will have her own plate of roses.

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